mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
