Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
