just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
