So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
