Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
