k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
