i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
