Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
