he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
