But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
