i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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