He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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