you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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