Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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