I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
