he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
