I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
