now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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