so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
