Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
