But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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