I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
