What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
