you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
