Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
