Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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