So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
zippers are such a cool invention
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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