Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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