If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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