he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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