Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry about my life...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
