You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
