you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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