Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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