You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
