Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
