The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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