yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
