The maid of honor just puked.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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