I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Green mimosas i think yes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
