i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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