There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
