WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
