You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
