Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
