Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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