I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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