fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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