I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
