i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
