Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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