Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
