when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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