maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
